I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again…I love my writing practice! It doesn’t matter if I’m journaling, composing an email, a blog post, a poem, or attempting a memoir; I love the writing process.
So, I find it crazy how I almost never started due to fear. I sometimes recognize a fear that threatens to sabotage my hopes, goals, and dreams preventing me from living in my integrity and stopping me from even starting.
Here’s an example of how my thoughts will fail me if I let them; they go like this:
If I start a blog, I may become a famous writer. If I become a famous writer, I’ll need to travel for book signing tours, speak at seminars and need security guards. Traveling like that would mean too much time away from my family…
Never mind! Forget it! Writing is not worth giving up the life I have and my freedom. Stop this craziness and move on to a more realistic dream!
Ridiculous, right? And then no matter what the next dream is, the sabotaging thoughts will produce the same fate. Don’t even dare to dream, it will ruin your life.
Figuring out that I allow my thoughts to interfere with my ambitions is one thing but understanding why is another. Maybe it’s because trying something new produces change and change is scary. It could possibly be because I’m afraid I will change. And if I change, I may no longer be accepted. Or I may fail, so why even try? Perhaps someone will say something unkind and that will feel like rejection. The point is, I don’t know, but I’ll be pondering it for a while.
For now, when it comes to writing, I’ll remind myself of my intention, which is to fill my own cup first. Each day that starts off with me in front of this laptop, makes that day better. Issues are dealt with easier, setbacks don’t feel all that damaging, and there’s so much more I have to give when the day starts with satisfying my soul.
I found this love of writing shortly after my mom passed away in 2017. My first blog post: A Year Without my Mom: Reflections, Revelries and Repentances, all 811 words of it, took a year to write, but the journey to complete it was worth it.
I found the process of unloading my thoughts onto paper and then refining them until they become something to share gratifying. A piece can start out as one thing and end up as something totally different (this post was originally about fate). And I love the sense of accomplishment I feel when I hit the ‘Publish’ button.
And that’s it. It’s not about the end goal, there isn’t even an end goal. It’s just something I enjoy doing for myself. So good-bye to overbearing cancelling thoughts! While the self-sabotaging may never totally go away, I know now that these ideas are just gossips and trolls. It’s ok to ignore them and keep doing what I enjoy.
That’s my hope for everyone. Ditch the all or nothing mindset. Enjoy the process, enjoy the journey. If it turns out that the road you’re on is a dead end, turn around and start over.
And as Mel Robbins says, “What if it all works out?”
Tell me this: Does the fear of success resonate with you?
Perfect Dysfunction 