Slow Burn – Happy Mother’s Day

“Treasure every moment because they grow so fast!” said so many parents that came before me. I repeat those same words to new parents whenever I have the chance. It took bittersweet hindsight for them to truly resonate with me.

The first five years of a child’s life are filled with firsts—first words, first foods, first steps…and we parents are thrilled about everything. We’re amazed to see the world through the eyes of a child as we adoringly watch them grow. Together, we build an unbreakable bond.

The next five years include the excitement of elementary school and navigating social issues. We may even try our hand at coaching as they embark on various sports and activities. Whether we are cheering them on from the sidelines or bonding with other parents over pizza at another child’s birthday party, we get to be with them every step of the way.

A whispered transformation into the tween years brings a whole host of new responsibilities for us. From being their Uber driver, to their tutor, to their disciplinarian and back again, there’s hardly time to reflect on the changes that are occurring. Our babies are now silly, dramatic, and fun kids who enjoy spending time with friends. We loosen the reins to give them room to grow, but we don’t fully let go. This time period helps prepare them—and us—for the teen years.

With a series of subtle shifts, there’s suddenly a teenager in the house. This chapter offers our children a bit more freedom as driving is introduced. Their attitudes can bring us to our knees, and without even an apology, they are blowing off family dinner to hang out with friends. Before we comprehend what hit us, high school is over, and their next phase begins.

That’s when I first noticed the smoke smoldering.

Leading up to college drop-off, I was preoccupied with getting my daughter ready for prom, high school graduation, and college prep. I didn’t allow myself to consider how these changes would impact me, so I was quite perplexed by my tears on the drive home. Mourning the loss of what was—and what will never be again—I reflected on the different stages of my young adult’s life and realized that her childhood was truly over.  Sure, kids come back to live at home, but they don’t need you like they once did. We are not involved in their lives like we once were.

Then, sometime later, when they’re grown and living on their own, the smoke turns to flames. You look back on precious moments you didn’t appreciate as they were happening, wishing there was a way to go back and visit them—to soak them in and appreciate what they were. Wishing there was a way to go back and look for the things you may not even remember because you couldn’t see through the chaos of the moment.

Time’s gentle theft produces a slow burn of imperceptible change that’s hard to notice until it’s already happened.

Let’s give ourselves the space and grace to acknowledge it all—whether we saw it coming or not.