“You get what you get, and you don’t get upset.” This phrase, first brought to me years ago by my preschool aged daughter, validated my complacent mindset.
Whether it was my upbringing, my generation’s influence, or insecurities, I’ve learned not to ask for more and to simply accept what I have.
For example, when I first became a single mom, my girls and I moved into the first-floor apartment of an old house. We lived there for a few weeks when the shower stopped working. We could take baths but not showers. Since this was a rental, we needed to wait for the landlord to fix it and as I recall, it took months to fix. Since there was the bath workaround, I didn’t complain to or harass the landlord. He knew it wasn’t working and he would get it repaired when he could. “You get what you get, and you don’t get upset.”
Obviously, being a human with many emotions, I do get upset at times. When I find myself complaining too much and unable to get over something, I know it’s time for a change – either in my thoughts or in my circumstances. Taking the shower example, I couldn’t change the circumstances immediately, so I changed my mind. I made it a challenge to see how quickly I could draw the bath water, wash up, rinse off and get out…or enjoy the bath every now and then. I couldn’t change anything until the landlord fixed the shower, so there was no sense in wasting my energy complaining about it.
In the corporate world, I’ve noticed that some people are courageous enough to ask for what they want. I’ve seen friends ask for more money or a higher-level job title even when they’ve not been in a position for very long.
I’ve not asked for any of these things. This is where I “don’t get upset” and accept what I have. To take the hand you’re dealt and build a positive mindset around it is a gift, some may say. But realistically I’ve simply learned how to settle.
Either way, I give a lot of credit to the people that have the nerve to ask for what they want. It could be viewed as self-centered or entitled, but maybe it’s just smart. What’s the worst that can happen? A rejection? At least with a rejection you know where you stand – and then can decide what to do next.
The next time you notice yourself getting annoyed because someone gets what they ask for, think about why it annoys you. Is it because of their nerve? Is it because the request was entertained? Or is it because you didn’t ask for yourself?
I always thought that you would get rewarded for doing a good job. I’ve come to recognize though, if you think you’ve done a good job, you must ask for a reward. That’s not right to me, but it’s the way it is and it’s taken me 30 plus years in the work force to figure it out.
Asking for what I want is yet another skill I find myself having to learn that people much younger than me already know. So much for life experience teaching us!
It’s not up to anyone to meet us where we are. We need to meet ourselves where we are and then decide where we are going.
“If you don’t ever ask, out of fear of rejection, then all you have done is rejected yourself.” Steve Fowle
Perfect Dysfunction 