Have you ever heard of the ‘popover’? You know, where you stop by someone’s house for an unannounced visit? I’m not a big fan of it, but I inadvertently ‘popped over’ my dear friend Eva’s house a little while back.
Eva and I were inseparable for most of our pre-teen and teenage years. Then, as it happens when two lives go in different directions, daily conversations turned into a few check ins a year, skipping some years in between. But those adolescent years together built a strong enough bond between us that it doesn’t matter how much time goes by, whenever we get together, we go right back to where we started and fill each other in on current events.
My plan that day of the popover was to leave a surprise 50th birthday gift on Eva’s front porch. I found an old picture of the two of us and put it in the perfect frame. What better way to utilize an old, printed picture then to create a gift out of it?
I’ve been to her house a couple times to pick her up for dinner dates and since I was going to be in the area that morning, I figured I’d leave the gift on her porch and be on my merry way. When I arrived on her street, I drove up to the house that I thought was hers, but lacked the confidence that it was. Not wanting to risk leaving the present on someone else’s porch, I texted her and asked her for the number of her house. When she received my text, she looked out her window, came outside, and invited me in. The house I was parked in front of was hers after all. HA!
I didn’t feel right about accepting her invitation because it was early on a Saturday morning, and she still had her robe on. But she insisted so I agreed to come in for a few minutes.
We chatted in her living room, sharing memories, and laughing about how silly we both were. We talked about time and how neither of us could believe we’re 50, especially considering how silly we still are. At one point, Eva said to me “I’m 50 years old, I’m going to do what I want to do.” My distorted facial expression indicated the need for an explanation. “My parents treat me like I’m 9 years old, and so I still listen to them as if I’m 9 years old. It’s time I listen to myself!”
That made perfect sense to me. Although my parents have both passed, I still look for approval in their absence. Eva telling me she needs to stop, made me realize that it’s time for me to stop too.
I know people much younger than us that already know this, but here we are, just now realizing that the only people we must answer to are ourselves. You won’t make everyone happy, making other people happy. Staying where you are in life because you don’t want to disappoint someone is not a recipe for growth. So yes, we don’t need approval from our parents, whether here or not, or anyone else. The script of our lives is up to each of us to write, act, and react to.
Why did it take so long for my friend and I to come to this realization? I guess we are never too old or too young to learn and grow. I look forward to growing until I can’t grow anymore.
I stopped to give Eva a gift that day, but the visit was the true gift. (Although I’m still not a fan of the pop-over.) 😉
Perfect Dysfunction 