Gratitude
Birthdays are special, aren’t they? They’re one day a year that we get to celebrate with no obligation to accommodate everyone else. It’s a privilege to celebrate others, but on your birthday, there’s no worry about falling short of someone else’s expectations.
I don’t want or need anything. The health and happiness of my loved ones are the gift. However, when presents, texts, and treats are received, I am truly grateful.
Sorrowful
While gratitude is first, my birthday doesn’t go by without me thinking of my dad, who passed away on my birthday. Ever since, not a celebration goes by without recounting the morning of my 37th year. The phone rang early that morning. I thought it was my mom calling to wish me well, but it wasn’t her. It was the hospital who gave me the news about my dad.
Thinking back to that day triggers an emotional spiral. I start reflecting on others that I miss who are no longer with us. I do this in silence. I don’t want to upset those around me trying to make my birthday feel special.
Thankful
It’s not grateful but sad, it’s grateful and grieving. They coexist within me. And on my birthday, I choose to recognize that. Grateful for all that I have and mourning the losses of people that I loved.
There is so much to be thankful for.
On my birthday, I celebrate who is here and miss who isn’t.
Perfect Dysfunction 